Monday, November 11, 2013

There is No REAL Thin Bullying

I keep hearing this "thin women get bullied, too, about their weight." 

Please - just don't. 

Not to me. I'm not buying the bullshit.

Fat women and girls get punched in the face every time they interact with others. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  They KNOW that little girls would rather have CANCER than look like them. Some learn to laugh it off, some ignore it (usually not effectively), some (like me) get really pissed off, and so on, but all of them, to varying degrees, take it to heart, and it injures them. Like any poison, it builds up, and becomes more and more toxic. Some can drain it off, and stay healthy, but some are too bombarded, and then they become depressed, or angry, or . . .

So when you tell me some thin girl or women heard an
unkind comment about their weight or size ("she could use a loaf of bread"), you're never going to get any sympathy from me for that. Yes; it hurts when people are mean to you, but in every other interaction in a thin women/girl's life - EVERY OTHER INTERACTION - every eye contact, every passerby's smile, every admiring glance, every friendship struck, every job interview, every depiction in the media, every everything, they are approved of - and lauded - and coddled - and told how right they are. 

So no. There is no comparison. So don't ask for my sympathy, or to act like it's a drop in the bucket in comparison. And don't make stupid remarks when I don't fall all teary-eyed all over them when it happens. 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming them. I'm not blaming anyone for their privileges. I'm white - which means that I have one of my own. 

But you know what? I OWN it. When someone who isn't white treats me like shit because I am, I don't go all "I'm not the one who enslaved you" on them. It hurts my feelings, obviously, because I actively advocate for the oppressed in both my personal and professional life, and because they don't even know me, but I do understand. 

It isn't me they're angry at. It's my privilege, and to them, I represent that privilege. Instead of being a bitchy, whiny, self-centered, hypersensitive asshole baby about it, I try to understand how horrifying it must be to watch white people get things I long for with no effort at all, like smiles, and try not to get my feelings hurt when those smiling eyes turn suspicious when they see my black/brown/nonwhite face.

Americans -- hell; the entire first world - is so self-centered and hypersensitive and insular -- they think incessantly about their own happiness and comforts -- and it makes me want to scream. 

And they are far, far too quick to molly-coddle the privileged (men, thin women, whites) when they are perceived as injured and to f--king ignore the plight of the oppressed. 

Gosh. Just like now.

Bottom line: a mean comment to a thin person is so close to nothing that it can't even matter

Get over it.

Or are you hand-holding all the other oppressed people and I just didn't catch that?

I got some comments today, so I am adding this

I am not minimizing anyone's experiences. I am also not trying to say they're less terrible. What I am saying is that for fat women, their experiences in every single interaction are negative. For nonfat people, they're not. We shouldn't be comparing them. When I complain about the way fat women and girls are regarded, I don't want to hear whining from anyone else about their own oppression. I do sympathize, but no group is more hated than fat people, except maybe black people in the south. I can't tell. In any case, when I am talking about fat women's oppression, I don't want to hear about anyone else's. I do NOT. When I'm focusing on fat people's oppression, that's all I want to talk about. If you want to write a blog post about your oppression, then I will read it, and I will sympathize, but please don't do it where I am bitching about fat people's oppression. It minimizes their suffering and experiences by pretending they're the same in some way as others', or by suggesting they should shut up or talk less loudly because other people suffer, too. I know other people suffer. And I am sorry, but it isn't the same. There isn't anything that is, and until that starts being taken seriously, I will continue to throw a complete bitch fit every time I hear someone try and say their oppression compares to fat people's, because it DOES NOT.

And while I agree that we should all work together, I am not going to toss this topic into the ocean of oppression for us to work on collectively. FAT PEOPLE ARE OPPRESSED IN EVERY SINGLE INTERACTION. Until people UNDERSTAND that and STOP FUCKING DOING IT I am not going to shut up.

Now, if there was a community where fat people's oppression was understood, and avoided, I would be happy to work on it. But honestly this is the truth: if you're bleeding out because your carotid is cut, you don't ignore it to bandage all the other wounds first. You manage the most damaging wounds first.